I actually got my $20 from Jesse this week… and I lost 4 pounds!  So far, pretty good week.

Yesterday, Jesse James and I had a $20 bet on whether or not the lawn sprinkler watering days change from year to year.  He said yes, and I said no.  After the show I called my water company and gave them his address.  I asked if they also service his house with water.  They said they do.  Then I asked if the watering schedule changes from year to year and they said no.  Specifically, it has not changed in the past several years, and they do not anticipate any changes in the “foreseeable future”.  Sounds like a win to me.

This is why you don’t bet with Jesse James.  While a few bets are cut and dried as to who wins (usually him), on the rare occasion that he is wrong, you can count on one or more of the following:

1) He’ll ignore the bet as long as he can.
2) He’ll try to find a loophole that allows him to avoid paying you.
3) If you can actually get him to admit he lost, (fat chance) he’ll claim he’s paid you already with an excuse like, “I bought lunch yesterday, so we’re even.”
4) He’ll try to get you to go “double or nothing”.
5) Although he INSISTS that you have your money up front, he’ll wait to pay you until an opportunity arises where he can “just call it even”.

Notice that the topic never came up this morning.  I will never see my $20… and I won’t bet him ever again.  I mean it this time!

UPDATE: (Wednesday) Jesse says he has this year’s water card and is looking for last year’s.  He plans to bring it tomorrow.

I’m Distraught! Jesse accused me of “re-gifting” his birthday present this past spring. The worst thing is that he’s been thinking this since April and if it hadn’t come up in random conversation on the show today, I’d never have known!

Jesse tells everyone not to get him a gift. Not because he doesn’t want them, but because he doesn’t want to feel obligated to get YOU one on your birthday. I always get him something funny and inappropriate, usually from Spencer’s. This year I decided to do something more thoughtful. Big mistake! Now, as often as I get accused of not having my “man card”, I am still a guy. I went out the day of Jesse’s birthday, bought him a gift and a card, threw it in one of my daughter’s recycled gift bags and dropped it off at his house. The entire transaction took scarcely an hour and I never left my truck. (A man always keeps a pen in his truck in case he has to sign an emergency card. i.e. wife birthday, anniversary, etc.)

When it came up this morning and I swore it was a real gift, he says “Show me the receipt, then!” What an ass! I shred my receipts, as everyone should. I have pulled up the reconciled transaction from my Quicken account, though. Here it is…

My Quicken Ledger 

Notice the date, the store and the price. I went to the Aurora Mall, bought him a Packer hat that I thought looked cool and that he didn’t have and dropped it off. He claims it had cat hair all over it. I call bunk on that!

Let’s face it. If I was going to re-gift Jesse, I’d do something big, funny, and obvious, not try to sneak it under the radar. As with everything else, he’s going to believe what he believes and never come around. My honor is being questioned though, and I’m actually kinda bummed about it. I guess I’ll have to actually do what he’s been telling me too all these years and just stop buying him a birthday present.

My wife and girls have gone back to Wisconsin to visit with family and I’m living the bachelor life for ten days.  Also, for the first time, my wife hasn’t left me a huge “honey-do’ list, so I literally get to do whatever I want.  Now I just need to think of something to do.

They’ve been gone for three days now and I had to remind myself yesterday to go get the mail.  It’s funny.  I complain to my wife every weekend that we can go anywhere or do anything because the kids always have their friends over running around the yard and never want to leave the house.  Now they’re gone for a week, I can go anywhere I want, and I can’t think of anywhere to go. LOL. 

Plus, I have to get my own beer.

Definitions:
schmo - “An idiot who doesn’t know what’s going on.”
schlub - “A person regarded as clumsy, stupid or unattractive.”

My cousin Kelly called me last Wednesday and asked me to go pick up 25 Colorado brochures and overnight them to her.  She explained that these would be handouts for her son’s class report on the state of Colorado.  I said “no problem” and went down to the Denver Visitors Bureau and got the stuff sent out.  I called Kelly that afternoon to tell her the job was done and when to expect the package.  While I was on the phone with her, she asked me if I would say hello to Tyler’s class on the radio Friday morning right at 9 o’clock.  She was hoping for about 9:15am, but I told her that we’re into our 50 in a row music sweep at that point and don’t talk.  She said she’d talk to Tyler’s teacher and get back to me.

I received an email from her Thursday afternoon saying everything was a “go” if I could do it.  I assured her I could.  Little did I know that they we re going to pull the kids in from recess 5 minutes early to make sure they didn’t miss it.  The appointed time came on Friday monring… and I spaced it.  Thinking about the weekend, Vicky’s new nickname of TROUT, I can come up with lots of excuses, but the bottom line is, I BLEW IT.  So I essentially left the poor kids sitting in front of his class, listening to our show, and NOT mentioning them.  I suck!

I feel terrible and I tried to make it right this morning by getting either the teacher, my cousin, or her son on the radio to give me some much deserved hell.  Nobody responded… which is almost worse.