I was informed today that I haven’t “updated my blog in 10 days.” And to “get on the stick!” Here’s a couple things that I’ve been thinking about lately. 

First of all, I may have to concede to Chuck on the weight-loss thing.  Chuck bet that I would give up and not do it.  I had (and still have) every intention of continuing to exercise to try to lose weight.  Getting hazed for my lack of success in shedding pounds is not as many laughs as it used to be, especially from Chuck who out-weighs me by 50 pounds and eats like it’s his last meal.

Two things have come to light recently which make me not so crazy about perpetuating this ordeal. 1) I’m NOT losing weight.  My wife says she notices a difference, but she’s the only one. (That’s why I love her.) 2) Not only is Mean Boss Bill calling me fat, unfunny and untalented; but Jesse has decided it’s time to practice “tough love” What ever the hell that means!  I’m not sure I want to find out.

I think it may be time to just be fat in peace.  I’ll contemplate it over a bucket of KFC… extra crispy.

My partner on the morning show, Jesse James, has pet peeves about many things.  Most are eating habits, some are driving habits, and one is a pet peeve of HIS that drives ME crazy!

He hates the sound of typing on a keyboard.  Specifically for some reason he hates the sound of ME typing on a keyboard.  I’m not sure why, but it drives him crazy!  If I’m looking something up on the internet that he asks about on the air, I’ll get the death glare.  If I’m working on something during a song or commercial break, he cranks the sound up to ear bleed level in the studio so he can’t hear it.

Having been friends as long as we have and known the man for 15 years, I put up with many of his idiosyncrasies.  In this particular instance we seem to have reached an impasse.  I NEED to type… We HAVE to be in the same room for five hours a day (while I’m needing to type).  Any suggestions on how to make everyone happy?

I’ll be happy to reply during the show and make his skin crawl.  LOL.

We started a new feature on the show a few weeks ago called “Shotgun Does Your Job“. You can sign up HERE by filling out the form. Once they come in, they go through our legal department. Seems that as much as Jesse argues to the contrary, CBS won’t let me do anything where I can get sued or die. But, that still leaves LOTS of fun jobs, though!

Last week, I got to try my hand at being a lunch lady! The Byers School District was kind enough to invite me over… and worked my butt off! I served all grades K-12, washed dishes, mopped floors, and actually picked up spilled food off the floor with my hands. FUN! The kids were great and super polite. The kitchen staff was a blast. I had a terrific time. Watch the video on the Jesse & Shotgun page.

This week, I’m back in food service. I’ll be in the FlatIrons Mall food court working the lunch hour at Hot Dogs on a Stick. I feel all the years I’ve spent working with Jesse James makes me an expert at weenies. Come have lunch at FlatIrons on Thursday and say “Hi!”

It’s that time of year again. Time to rifle through all the receipts of the past year and try to remember what you saved them for.  Itemized deductions are the bomb!  It ususally takes me a couple hours to sort though everything and get ready to head to the tax office.

I went with one of the big chain companies last year and was VERY unhappy.  The guy argued with me over every receipt, and actually told me that I couldn’t claim parking as a business expense!  Anyone who works downtown knows that there is NO place to park for free and since the Light Rail and RTD busses don’t run when we’re on the way in to work, there is no alternative but to drive.  Plus he charged me $400! 

Needless to say, this year I switched accountants.  I figured I’d skip the middle man and use the same accountant as Jesse.  I figured since I paid for all the receipts he used and I drove all the miles he claimed, why do the work twice. LOL.

I’ve got a rebate coming.  Hopefully it gets here soon!

Happy New Year!

The Chinese New Year began last week and we have officially entered the Year of the Rat. My oldest daughter was born in 1996 and this is her year. People born in Rat years are noted for their charm and attraction for the opposite sex. They work hard to achieve their goals, acquire possessions, and are likely to be perfectionists. They are basically thrifty with money. Rat people are easily angered and love to gossip. Their ambitions are big, and they are usually very successful. This is my daughter to a tee. Except maybe the thrifty part. she very thrifty with her own money, but loves to spend mine.

I’ve never been a horoscope reader and I’m not a very big believer in Zodiac, but I can’t deny how accurate it is when describing me. I was born in 1971. That makes me a Boar/Pig. (I know, Jesse… insert joke here) Check this out. People born in the Year of the Pig are chivalrous and gallant. Whatever they do, they do with all their strength. They have tremendous fortitude and great honesty. They don’t make many friends but they make them for life, and anyone having a Boar Year friend is fortunate for they are extremely loyal. They don’t talk much but have a great thirst for knowledge. They study a great deal and are generally well informed. Boar people are quick tempered, yet they hate arguments and quarreling. They are kind to their loved ones. No matter how bad problems seem to be, Boar people try to work them out, honestly if sometimes impulsively.

No one knows how old Jesse is, but let’s look at the other members of the show.

Vicky: People born in the Year of the Monkey are the erratic geniuses(?) of the cycle. Clever, skillful, and flexible, they are remarkably inventive and original and can solve the most difficult problems with ease. There are few fields in which Monkey people wouldn’t be successful but they have a disconcerting habit of being too agreeable(?). They want to do things now, and if they cannot get started immediately, they become discouraged and sometimes leave their projects. Although good at making decisions, they tend to look down on others. Having common sense(?), Monkey people have a deep desire for knowledge and have excellent memories. Monkey people are strong willed but their anger cools quickly(?). Wow is that off!

Chuck: People born in the Year of the Ox are patient, speak little, and inspire confidence in others. They tend, however, to be eccentric, and they anger easily. They have fierce tempers and although they speak little, when they do they are quite eloquent. Ox people are mentally and physically alert. Generally easy-going, they can be remarkably stubborn, and they hate to fail or be opposed. I can see it.

If you’d like to look up your birth year, click HERE.

To the MOON, Alice!

I’m going to toss this stinking computer out the window. Go outside and kick it all the way down the street. Pick it up carry it back to my driveway… and run it over with my JEEP!

I hate Vista. I hate Vista! I HATE VISTA!

NOTHING works! Even simple things I used to be able to do on my old computer either don’t friggin exist anymore or finding them is such a chore as to not be worth it.

I’m so mad I’m going to walk to Bill Gates’ house and kick his ass!

Leaving now!

I’m an idiot.  OK, I WAS an idiot six months ago and I’m still paying (literally) for my lapse in judgement.  Here’s the story…

Back in mid July I was selling my truck.  I was selling that truck and my wife’s truck to buy the Jeep I wanted(see blog New Tires below).  Well I sold Amy’s truck and then I screwed up BIG Time.  There was a guy at work here who was going through a rough time.  He was having to share a vehicle with his kid and he was running his ex all over town and it was making his life miserable.  He mentioned he was going to buy a vehicle and I told him I was selling mine.  He said he was very interested in buying it, but wasn’t going to have the funds for two weeks.  Here’s where I made my first mistake.  I told him since he was in a bind, I’d let him have the truck now and he could pay me in two weeks.  I know, really stupid, but I’m a good guy and I expect people to be good to their word.

He comes over to get the truck and we sign a contract saying he’ll pay me in full in 60 days.  Apparently he’s only going to get a grand in two weeks and the rest will come later.  Should have been a red flag, but I thought “No problem, I can wait 60 days.”  The problem is, in order for ME not to be responsible for the truck while he’s driving it, I have to give the guy the title.  He needs to license it and get insurance.  I know… stupid.

To make a long story short, every time this guy is supposed to give me money, something comes up where I don’t get paid.  A check he’s expecting doesn’t come, or there’s a family emergency, or the ex-wife needs money, or the kid’s in a car accident, or whatever.  It’s been six months and he still owes me $2,500!

That’s a pretty substantial amount of money for my family as I’m sure it is for yours.  The month I had to license my Jeep and my wife’s van, I actually had to take out a loan in order to make my mortgage payment.  And now it’s Christmas and my kids are going to go without presents because this Ass can’t get me the cash he owes me. 

I’ve tried to be a good guy, but money ain’t funny.  It’s time to take this to the next level and that’s where I need your help.  I’ve never sued anyone before or sent the cops after them or whatever.  What are my options?  Legally how can I make this deadbeat pay up?  Or at the very least, get my truck back so I can sell it to someone else and get the money he owes me?

Any advice the “Jesse & Shotgun Throbbing Brain” has to offer would be well appreciated.

We were talking about the contests for drink tickets at this year’s office Christmas party and I’ve decided I really want to win!  There are three contests.  I don’t own any sweaters, so the Tackiest Sweater contest is out.

The next contest is the Tackiest Tie contest.  I can WIN this!!  Here are the options I have it narrowed down to.  Please click on Comments and let me know which one I should wear.  The tie with the most votes wins!

Or if you don’t think I can win with those, I’ll enter in the Jesse James Look-A-Like contest.  I’m a shoo in with my costume.  What do you think?