Every year it’s the same argument.  Which type of candy to kids prefer - chocolate candy bars or other flavored canides like Skittles and Sweet-Tarts.  While I concede that kids like ALL candy and will take whatever you offer them, I say kids prefer chocolate.

This Halloween, I’m going to have two bowls:

A) M&M’s, Kit Kats, Snickers, and Twix bars.
B) Skittles, Sweet-Tarts, Tootsie Pops, and Jolly Ranchers.

I say in this scenario, the chocolate choices will be picked 2-1 over the other bowl.  I can only go by what my kids do, but if I offer to buy them a treat at the grocery store, they will go for something chocolate every time.  Feel free to weigh in, I’ll find out for sure this Halloween.

As you’ve probably heard by now, our station has been re-branded as 92.5FM The JACKASS.  We are having some fun with the Democratic National Convention coming to town.  Regardless of which side of the political fence you fall on, you have to appreciate the Democrats choosing our fair city to dump the millions of revenue dollars they’ll spend.  As we like to say, it’s not THIS party or THAT party… it THE PARTY!  We’re having fun with it and I hope you do too.
 
I’m sure there are plenty of people who are a dumbass (pun intended) like me who don’t know how the Donkey came to be the symbol of the Democratic party, so I did a little research.

Borrowed loosely from Wikipedia: The Democratic Party itself never officially adopted the donkey symbol but has made use of it. Apparently Andrew Jackson had been labeled a jackass by his opponents during the presidential race of 1828. A political cartoon depicting Jackson riding and directing a donkey (representing the Democratic Party) was published in 1837. Then Thomas Nast used the donkey again in an 1870 political cartoon and it stuck. Cartoonists followed Nast and used the donkey to represent the Democrats, and the elephant to represent the Republicans.

Strangely, the Democratic party in some states use the rooser.  Thank goodness not here in Colorado… I don’t know if I could handle being on 92.5 THE COCK during the convention. LOL.

The WOLF is on vacation for a while as we welcome the DNC to the Mile High City.  If you love it, laugh along with us.  If you don’t… try not to take things so seriously.

Now crank it up and give us a bray!

Shotgun (aka “the Mule”)

Yesterday, Jesse James and I had a $20 bet on whether or not the lawn sprinkler watering days change from year to year.  He said yes, and I said no.  After the show I called my water company and gave them his address.  I asked if they also service his house with water.  They said they do.  Then I asked if the watering schedule changes from year to year and they said no.  Specifically, it has not changed in the past several years, and they do not anticipate any changes in the “foreseeable future”.  Sounds like a win to me.

This is why you don’t bet with Jesse James.  While a few bets are cut and dried as to who wins (usually him), on the rare occasion that he is wrong, you can count on one or more of the following:

1) He’ll ignore the bet as long as he can.
2) He’ll try to find a loophole that allows him to avoid paying you.
3) If you can actually get him to admit he lost, (fat chance) he’ll claim he’s paid you already with an excuse like, “I bought lunch yesterday, so we’re even.”
4) He’ll try to get you to go “double or nothing”.
5) Although he INSISTS that you have your money up front, he’ll wait to pay you until an opportunity arises where he can “just call it even”.

Notice that the topic never came up this morning.  I will never see my $20… and I won’t bet him ever again.  I mean it this time!

UPDATE: (Wednesday) Jesse says he has this year’s water card and is looking for last year’s.  He plans to bring it tomorrow.

I’m Distraught! Jesse accused me of “re-gifting” his birthday present this past spring. The worst thing is that he’s been thinking this since April and if it hadn’t come up in random conversation on the show today, I’d never have known!

Jesse tells everyone not to get him a gift. Not because he doesn’t want them, but because he doesn’t want to feel obligated to get YOU one on your birthday. I always get him something funny and inappropriate, usually from Spencer’s. This year I decided to do something more thoughtful. Big mistake! Now, as often as I get accused of not having my “man card”, I am still a guy. I went out the day of Jesse’s birthday, bought him a gift and a card, threw it in one of my daughter’s recycled gift bags and dropped it off at his house. The entire transaction took scarcely an hour and I never left my truck. (A man always keeps a pen in his truck in case he has to sign an emergency card. i.e. wife birthday, anniversary, etc.)

When it came up this morning and I swore it was a real gift, he says “Show me the receipt, then!” What an ass! I shred my receipts, as everyone should. I have pulled up the reconciled transaction from my Quicken account, though. Here it is…

My Quicken Ledger 

Notice the date, the store and the price. I went to the Aurora Mall, bought him a Packer hat that I thought looked cool and that he didn’t have and dropped it off. He claims it had cat hair all over it. I call bunk on that!

Let’s face it. If I was going to re-gift Jesse, I’d do something big, funny, and obvious, not try to sneak it under the radar. As with everything else, he’s going to believe what he believes and never come around. My honor is being questioned though, and I’m actually kinda bummed about it. I guess I’ll have to actually do what he’s been telling me too all these years and just stop buying him a birthday present.

Definitions:
schmo - “An idiot who doesn’t know what’s going on.”
schlub - “A person regarded as clumsy, stupid or unattractive.”

My cousin Kelly called me last Wednesday and asked me to go pick up 25 Colorado brochures and overnight them to her.  She explained that these would be handouts for her son’s class report on the state of Colorado.  I said “no problem” and went down to the Denver Visitors Bureau and got the stuff sent out.  I called Kelly that afternoon to tell her the job was done and when to expect the package.  While I was on the phone with her, she asked me if I would say hello to Tyler’s class on the radio Friday morning right at 9 o’clock.  She was hoping for about 9:15am, but I told her that we’re into our 50 in a row music sweep at that point and don’t talk.  She said she’d talk to Tyler’s teacher and get back to me.

I received an email from her Thursday afternoon saying everything was a “go” if I could do it.  I assured her I could.  Little did I know that they we re going to pull the kids in from recess 5 minutes early to make sure they didn’t miss it.  The appointed time came on Friday monring… and I spaced it.  Thinking about the weekend, Vicky’s new nickname of TROUT, I can come up with lots of excuses, but the bottom line is, I BLEW IT.  So I essentially left the poor kids sitting in front of his class, listening to our show, and NOT mentioning them.  I suck!

I feel terrible and I tried to make it right this morning by getting either the teacher, my cousin, or her son on the radio to give me some much deserved hell.  Nobody responded… which is almost worse.

Just over four bucks!  That’s what I have in my checking account right now.  This seems to be a recurring trend at the end of the month.  As Brooks & Dunn have mentioned in a few of their songs “too much month at the end of the money!”

It’s crazy!  I make a pretty good living and don’t waste money.  Between the 15th and the end of the month, I buy groceries and gas, and pay my electric bill, parking and my mortgage.  That’s just under $2,200!  Jesse was asking what each of us was going to do with our stimulus check.  I may have to use mine as a cushion in the ol’ checking account.

Ramen noodles for everyone til payday!  Everyone is feeling the pinch these days.  What are you doing differently to save money?

I created a Facebook page a month or so ago and I have to admit that I’m relatively clueless about it.  I filled out all the information, reached out to some friends, even added photos and videos.  Then the wierdness started.

I was poked by several people, even super-poked a couple times!  People started throwing things at me like chairs, cupcakes, and even the occasional sheep!  Writing on my wall!  Making comments about my pictures!  Mass hysteria!  And that’s not even the worst of it!  Everytime I log in, I find people have sent me new quizzes or games.  This is kinda cool I guess, but it forces me to add new applications each time - not cool!  So be forewarned that if you send me a smurf… I may not see it.

I guess I thought it would be more like MySpace with people emailing and chatting, but it seems to be more of a place to waste time playing random games.  Am I doing something wrong?

I made the mistake of saying this on the air one day and Jesse ripped me a new one.  It’s an interesting paradox on our show how my partner can pull stuff out of his ass every day making half of it up and that’s fine, but if I bring something up and don’t have an encyclopedia of facts to back it up… I’m the idiot.  LOL!

Well, with StarFest going on this weekend, I thought it was a good time to bring this up again with the necessary documentation.  I remember reading an article some years ago that many of the engineers at places like MIT, grew up watching Star Trek and seeing the “technology” of the future.  These same engineers tried to duplicate this technology for the real world.  It’s no coincidence that your flip-top cell phone looks just like a communicator from Star Trek TOS.

Here’s an article from Network World. (Click to read the full article) In the past few months a number of technologies and products that invoke the Star Trek name have been rolled out. MIT was the latest with a tractor beam-like device, but all manner of other new stuff from Star Trek funeral products to healthcare items are also out there. We’ve gathered up some of the more recent products so you can have a quick look-see.

The History Channel also recently did a special called “How William Shatner Changed the World,” Synopsis: Yes, it’s really true, Capt. James T. Kirk of the Enterprise is responsible for many of the gadgets and technology we know and love today. How so? Well, this utterly disarming and even hilarious special shows how the “Star Trek” fans of the ’60s and beyond were often inspired by the outer space show to create in real life the gadgets and gizmos they saw on their TV screens. That cell phone of yours? Marty Cooper, former chief engineer for Motorola, talks about how he wanted nothing more than to make a cool “Star Trek” communicator. Other inventors, scientists and computer-world types talk about how “Trek” influenced the careers they chose and the cool stuff they invented as a result of being obsessed with all things Spock and Kirk.

This is not your average, dry cable documentary; host Shatner, a delightful ham at heart, has a huge amount of fun narrating this special, and the science stuff is doled out with a hearty sense of humor (one that uses vintage “Trek” clips to their full absurdist potential). Even fans without a lingering affection for all things “Trek” will probably get a kick out of this special, which has an interesting point underneath all the fun: Science fiction often directly influences science fact. [from The History Channel]

Legions of faithful trekkies are working right now on marvelous things that will one day be part of our everyday lives.  Thank you Gene Roddenberry, for making our lives better.

“Computer. Tea. Earl Grey, hot!”

As you’ve probably heard by now, we are giving you a crack at $10,000 five times every weekday on the WOLF.  Although I can’t win (which stinks), I’ve been thinking about what I’d do with a free ten grand.

The responsible side of me thinks I’d should use it knock down some debt.  Between my HELC and credit cards, ten grand would cut my debt in half.  I could also put it into an IRA towards my kids college education. That would be the right and responsible thing to do.

The slightly less responsible thing to do would be to use it for home improvements.  After I got screwed over by the basement guys last year, I still need to get my basement finished.  Ten grand would go a long ways towards getting that done.  My house could also use new windows and a new roof in the next five years, so those projects should be kept in mind.

The real me would BLOW IT!  Here’s how…
Big screen plasma TV - $ 1,500
Home Theater System - $ 200
Mexico Vacation for the family - $ 3,600
Playstation 3 - $ 400
Rock Star for PS3 - $ 150
Bikini Top for my Jeep - $ 60
Lift kit - $ 700
Off Road Tires - $600

All that, I could still toss a grand in each of the girls college funds, get some dry wall and paint for the basement, and still have a little left over for bets with Jesse.

I can’t win… but YOU can!  Good luck!

I was informed today that I haven’t “updated my blog in 10 days.” And to “get on the stick!” Here’s a couple things that I’ve been thinking about lately. 

First of all, I may have to concede to Chuck on the weight-loss thing.  Chuck bet that I would give up and not do it.  I had (and still have) every intention of continuing to exercise to try to lose weight.  Getting hazed for my lack of success in shedding pounds is not as many laughs as it used to be, especially from Chuck who out-weighs me by 50 pounds and eats like it’s his last meal.

Two things have come to light recently which make me not so crazy about perpetuating this ordeal. 1) I’m NOT losing weight.  My wife says she notices a difference, but she’s the only one. (That’s why I love her.) 2) Not only is Mean Boss Bill calling me fat, unfunny and untalented; but Jesse has decided it’s time to practice “tough love” What ever the hell that means!  I’m not sure I want to find out.

I think it may be time to just be fat in peace.  I’ll contemplate it over a bucket of KFC… extra crispy.