I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating… “I LOVE being a Dad.” No matter what kind of day I have at the office or what’s going on in the adult world, my kids can brighten my day with a smile, a giggle, or a hug. I am constantly amazed by how smart, funny, and beautiful they are, especially with my genes.

As I reflect on Father’s Day coming this weekend, I realize I’ve learned a lot from my kids:

• Anything that begins with, “(Child’s name) has something to tell you” is NEVER good news.
• You can yell your child’s name at the top of your lungs and they won’t hear you, but they can hear a text message on their phone anywhere in the house.
• Home Depot makes you have to pee.
• Siblings get along famously, until the phone rings and you’re on an important call. Then all hell will promptly break loose.
• If you give your children a choice between two things (i.e. where to go for dinner) they will always have opposite choices… ALWAYS!
• If your child volunteers to go with you to run errands, they always have an ulterior motive.
• For some reason, parental absence is considered permission.
• You can explain how you want a chore done in detail, and you’ll still end up redoing it yourself.
• If you plan an activity with your child, five minutes into it… one of their friends will knock on the door wanting to play.
• Kids have an uncanny way of knowing they’ll hate any food item without testing it.
• No matter how late your children are up the night before, they will be awake at the crack of dawn.
• Ketchup makes everything taste better.
• Lowes makes you have to pee.
• No matter how much money Dad & Mom pay for a vacation, kids would always rather swim in the hotel pool.
• There is some sort of magical transformation that occurs when your kid becomes a teen that turns you from funniest guy alive to biggest embarrassment.
• How bad your child “has to go” is directly proportionate to how far way the nearest restroom is.
• People that call them the “Terrible Twos” don’t let their kids live to be three.
• The volume level of your children in the morning is directly proportionate to how badly you want to sleep in.
• “Going before you leave the house” makes no difference.
• The same kids that have to be dragged out of bed at 7am to go to school, wake up on their own at 5am on the weekends.
• Kids love to share. If they’re eating potato chips, and take a swig of your soda… they’ll always leave some for you.
• There’s always room for ice cream.
• You can never have too many bouncy balls.
• If you fall down where no one sees you, wait until you have an audience before you start to cry.
• If Dad says no, ask Mom. If Mom says no, ask the grandparents.

Feel free to chime in with your own… I could go on all day. Go hug your kids and if you don’t have kids… call your folks.

Just a quick post today with some observations/suggestions for Facebook.  Feel free to add your own…

1. Get rid of the feature where I have to see what friends write on other people’s walls… who cares.

2. I think the “how do you know this person” feature should be on the “Send Friend Request” side, so we know who the hell they are when we get the request.

3. I want to be able to “Dislike” posts.

4. I want to be able to become “Not A Fan”.

5. There should be a way to send a virus to people who continue to send you “Little Blue Cove fish” or ask you to join “Mafia Wars” after you’ve ignored several times.

6. I want to be able to post pictures on other people’s wall. That would be cool.

7. Let’s automate the birthday wishes, so I don’t have to think about it.

8. It should be illegal to use the status John Smith “is”.  You are not existential.  Seriously.

9. If someone posts an incriminating photo of you (you know who you are!), you should be able to delete it.

10. Finally, I want to be able to rescind a friend request.  Sometimes I change my mind.

For those of you new to the Jesse & Shotgun radio show, I have troubles with my grill.  It is not that I have trouble with cooking food outdoors; I just physically have problems with my current grill.  Let me explain.  My gas grill is probably 5-7 years old.  Everything is in relatively good working order, but it’s a cheap grill… and open all around the bottom. Couple that with the fact that it’s almost always windy here in Colorado and my stupid grill doesn’t even get hot enough to brown brats.  It’s pathetic.  For that reason alone, I do not grill nearly as often as every man should.  There have been many days I’ve gone out to fire up the grill… waited… and ended up cooking my food some other way.  I actually once, I hate to admit, BAKED a STEAK!  Sad, but true.

After the humbling steak incident, I went to Target and bought a $40 George Foreman electric grill.  That decision has lead to much ribbing and torment on the morning show.  Jesse also has issues with my “meat fork” because it has an electric meat thermometer and “no self-respecting male should have to check the temperature of the meat” for doneness.  He also thinks my pigtail flipper is “wussy”.  I stand by the pigtail. It’s awesome!

Well, further proof that I am married to the most wonderful woman in the world… my wife said that for Father’s Day (and our 15th anniversary-which are two weeks apart) I could buy myself a new grill.  I’m so PUMPED!  Being the nerdy guy that I am, I spent the last week visiting grill stores and doing research online.  I decided on an infrared grill, because they heat evenly, burn a third less propane and heat up quickly.  It’s really sweet and even has a place to add wood chips for smoking.  Whoo-hoo!  I went and picked it up yesterday.  I wanted to get the one that was already put together, but it wouldn’t fit in the minivan… so I got one in the box.  I took it home and put it together in my garage.  At one point, my neighbor Tom came over to check on me because he’d “been watching me work on the grill for five hours” and thought I might need some help.  LOL.

Amy went to the store to get some steaks as I was in the final stretches of putting it together and just as I was wheeling it onto the patio in the back yard… it started to downpour.

I can’t win.

From Wikipedia: A fence is a freestanding structure designed to restrict or prevent movement across a boundary. 

“Good fences make good neighbors.” - Robert Frost

“A good neighbor is a fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn’t climb over it.” - Arthur Baer

“There is something about jumping a horse over a fence, something that makes you feel good. Perhaps it’s the risk, the gamble. In any event it’s a thing I need.” - William Faulkner

“Don’t Fence Me In (song)” - Cole Porter

I have never lived anywhere in the world where more people have more fences than here in Denver, CO.  It is very rare to drive anywhere in this metro area without finding fences around people’s property.  I’ll be honest, I’m a fan.  It’s great to be able to let the dog out without worry or to let the children have a place to play where they can feel safe and I as a parent can have piece of mind.  I also like the privacy aspect of having people not be able to see into my back yard.  I can be very anti-social that way.

There are many different types of fences you can buy.  Wood, Concrete, Wrought Iron, Vinyl, and even the good old chain link.  Some neighborhoods may dictate not only how tall your fence can be but how far back it must be set from the street. Also, don’t forget to verify the exact borders of your property to avoid upsetting the neighbors.

Speaking of neighbors, how do you decide what type of fence to use if you share a property line?  Do you come to a consensus and split the cost, or does one person get to pay and decide. And what about fence maintenance?  Who is responsible?  In my back yard, I face a rental property that is usually in pretty bad shape.  This spring, I noticed that the middle of this fence is beginning to sag toward my lawn.  Whose fence is it to fix?  The posts are on their side, so I replace the boards if they need repair.  If the posts need to be re-dug or replaced I would think that would be the landlord’s responsibility.  Have you ever been in this situation?   What do you think?

I buy them on the car lot.  If there is a gene that men have that make them good at selecting vehicles, it is missing in me.  I have a long history of buying cars that end up being money pits. Let’s review…

First car: (Jr. year of high school - 1988)’78 Ford Pinto station wagon.  My dad still says I bought it because it had a good stereo.  LOL.  I replaced the radiator three times, new transmission, alternator, and one time I was duct-taping a hose in some farmers driveway.

Chevy Malibu - when the transmission went out in the Pinto, I got the Malibu from my dad.  I had it less than six months and had to replace the engine!  Then two weeks later, the clutch went out. I drove it 70 miles back to my dad’s house in 2nd gear.

AMC Eagle - I bought this off a lot.  I thought I did really well.  First time I brought it home… dad said the “ticking” I didn’t think anything of… was rod knock.  Less than a year later, it was seized up in my driveway.  I sold it for scrap to the junkyard for $35.

Then I bought a couple cars from my father-in-law which were good…

Buick Regal - my favorite car ever.
Chevy Celebrity - ugly but ran well.
Buick Century – great car, I had this for a few months and my father-in-law traded me for a Jeep Cherokee.

Jeep Cherokee - my first truck.  I decided at this point I was a truck man. It had some weird engine troubles which cost me several hundred over the three years I drove it. I wrecked this one.  So I bought my wife a Chevy Blazer and started driving her car… a Geo Prism.

I drove the Prism for another year, before I had to have another truck and bought…

Ford Explorer - This was another money pit. New clutch, brake rotors, broken blend door, and some engine gasket got me in almost three grand deep in two years.

Jeep Wrangler - Everybody has the car they always want to own, for me it was a Wrangler.  I had it for a year (until last Saturday).  In that year, I had to replace the clutch and transmission; I snapped off the blinker switch so the wiper washer didn’t work; the blend door was broken (2nd car in a row); and finally, the heat went out and the locking gas cap busted!

Over the weekend, I bought a ‘01 Jeep Grand Cherokee.  It runs well, has moderate mileage, leather interior and power everything… and I even got a decent price!  I thought I did great, until I got in this morning and found out that the heater doesn’t work. (3rd vehicle in a row!) Thankfully the dealership is fixing it today.

Morale of the story: If you need someone to come along when you go car shopping… lose my number.

So a few weeks ago Jesse was gone and the rest of us were talking about Facebook.  I had mentioned that I really like reconnecting with friends from high school and college…and I do!  It’s fun to find out what people have been doing for the past 20 years, see pictures of their families, relive old memories, etc.

The discussion centered on who you “friend” and who you don’t.  A friend of mine from high school sent me a “friend suggestion”, which is where you suggest to someone that they add a mutual friend. The suggestion was for my high school girlfriend.  We were together for about four years from high school to college.  To say it ended badly would be an understatement, but I was under the impression we had made nice at least to the point where we were still friends.  I had left the request alone for a few weeks at the point of our conversation.  Had she sent me a friend request, I would accept - being the good guy that I am.  But if I sent the request, it would put me out there in an uncomfortable place.  I discussed it with the rest of the show, and Amanda and Chuck said yes send it… intern Ty said not to.

I went with the consensus and sent the friend request.  That was two weeks ago.  Today I was writing something on a different classmate’s wall and saw the ex-girlfriend’s picture in her friend’s column, so I checked the status. She has not accepted my friend request.  So, now I look like a tool.  This especially stinks because as high school sweethearts, we hung out with all the same people.  I should have just gone with my gut (and Ty’s advice) and just deleted it.

The moral of the story… don’t follow Amanda’s advice.

This morning we were talking about one of my favorite college jobs, working at Disc Jockey Records at the Oakwood Mall in Eau Claire, WI.  It was the best job ever!  We got to hear all the new music as (or before) it came out, and while there was plenty of work to get done, we always managed to screw around and have fun.

The topic came up because we were talking about the So You Think You Can Dance auditions coming to Denver this Thursday and Jesse took the opportunity to have me dance for everybody.  Back when we used to work at the record store, my buddy Jeff and I used to stop whatever we were doing and do the Color Me Badd dance whenever the “I Wanna Sex You Up” video came on.  In reality, this probably lasted only a week or two, but it was damn funny.  You can watch the video of me doing the dance on the Jesse & Shotgun show page on 925thewolf.com.

The other thing that rocked about working in the mall was what we called the Mall Professional Lunch.  We had it down.  You would go to a different restaurant for each part of your meal.  For example, Arby’s fries, a chili cheese burrito from Taco Bell, and a frosty from Wendy’s.  We’d also take advantage of whoever was having specials that day.  Ah, to be 19 with money in my pocket and no bills again.

As a self professed fan of Harry Potter, the subject of which movies are “cult movies” or not is a recurring topic on our show.  My co-host Jesse seems to be under the impression that it includes any movie in which he has no interest that makes lots of money.  LOL.  Let’s take a second to clear up the confusion…

From Wikipedia: A cult film is a film that has acquired a highly devoted but relatively small group of fans. Often, cult movies have failed to achieve fame outside of the small fanbases Cult films often become the source of a thriving, obsessive, and elaborate subculture of fandom, hence the analogy to cults. However, not every film with a rabid fanbase is necessarily a cult film.

The term cult film is used to describe a film that has had little to no success commercially and critically upon its initial release but has later spawned a small, but devoted and usually obsessive fanbase.

So movies that Jesse considers cult movies
Dark Knight - $158 million opening weekend - $997 million total.
Harry Potter (we’ll just the first movie) - $88 million opening weekend - $878 million total.
Lord of the Rings (again… just the first one) - $47 million opening weekend - $870 million total.
Pirates of the Caribbean (yep… 1st one) $46 million opening weekend - $654 million total.

Movies he digs:
Friday Night Lights - 20 million opening weekend, 61 million total.
Road House - $5.9 million opening weekend - $30 million total.
Animal House - $276 thousand opening weekend.  141 million total.

So, if we are sticking to the definition of what cult films are rather than what is perceived to be cool… I don’t appear to be the one in the cult.  Ha ha ha…

I’ll check in with you next week, I have to go pick up my Hogwarts uniform from the cleaners.  Grif-fin-dor!

(From wikipedia) The concept of spacetime combines space and time within a single coordinate system, typically with three spatial dimensions: length, width, height, and one temporal dimension: time.

Now I didn’t finish college, so I don’t really understand that stuff, but I can surely grasp the concept of time slowing down to a crawl at the beginning of a new year.  At my house the countdown to Christmas starts a few weeks before Halloween.  Seems early, but bear with me.  My girls are still young enough to be excited about trick-or-treating, so the countdown is always on for that.  My birthday is in early November.  My oldest daughter’s birthday is around Thanksgiving.  Two weeks later we’re celebrating the youngest daughter’s birthday, and then it’s just a short two weeks to Christmas.

Just about everybody looks forward to the holidays.  Even the people who rally against religious holidays can look forward to a couple free days off(Hypocrites).  Things just seem to slow down.  We all take more time to think about family and friends.  Sure the gift buying and traveling can be hectic, but especially between Christmas and New Years Eve we all find ourselves dozing off on the couch while watching football.

Then, just as our bodies start to get used to sleeping in, staying up late, and lounging around… it’s back into the rat race.  And nothing to look forward to until Memorial Day weekend.

No wonder this week is moving so slow.

Every year I take grief from Jesse because I have a fake tree. I blogged about it around this time last year where I detailed some of the reasons I don’t get a real tree.

This year I just want to point out that I am not alone and that many people who are not (as has been said on our show) “scrooges, shut-in’s, or old” still prefer the beauty and convenience of an artificial tree.

Here’s some excerpts of a recent CBS news article about the rise in popularity of artificial Christmas trees:
“Some would recoil at the thought of an artificial tree, but it’s a choice that many Americans make. Traditionalists love real trees for their scent, and some people like cutting their own tree. But artificial trees leave no needles to clean up and come in a variety of styles and colors. Prelit Christmas trees, which come with the lights already on them, are very popular.

Buying a Christmas tree is practically like buying a car, what with all the options. [Like] an upside-down corner tree and a half tree that can be used as a space saver. Some trees are made out of polyvinyl chloride.

Prelit trees also come with a variety of lights: white, colored, two-tone, fiber optic, and LEDs, or light emitting diodes. Some lights look like pinecones with melting snow.

There are also the trees that don’t try to hide their fakeness, like tinsel tree and ice crystal tree.

Certainly the artificial trees are fast and easy — two qualities Americans look for in everything. More than half the Christmas trees displayed in our homes this year will be artificial.”

If doing the real tree forest trek is your thing… that’s cool. I’ll be sitting in my living room - with the tree already done - watching Jimmy Stewart on TV and drinking hot chocolate.

Ho Ho Ho!